Misused

“It’s a strange phenomena,” I told her, “People who date out of comfort.”

“You mean phenomenon?” she asked, “Just the one event, right? Because ‘phenomena’ is plural.”

Once, I tried sharing how I grew up with cystic acne. I pointed to how the legions would spread from my chin to my temple.

“Lesions,” she told me, “A legion is a militant group. Usually, overwhelming in number.”

I replied, “But that’s exactly what I mean.”

She nodded. “Yes, but it’s still wrong.”

Another time, I confided my wish to be more clairvoyant, then she stopped me to say that the word in that form is supernatural. To be clairvoyant is to be prophetic, to have biblical powers. To want clairvoyance, though, is perfectly acceptable. So instead, I should start saying that I want clairvoyance.

“Sometimes,” she said, “I think you use words that you only kind of know. You probably shouldn’t do that. Clarity is key.”

On another lazy Saturday, we lounged on her bed. I whispered, “I’m never so mellow than when we’re laying together.”

“Lying,” she said, “The word you want, is lying.”